Monday, August 08, 2005

12-Step program for 'The Itch'?

Disclaimer: This is NOT, I repeat this is NOT about any disgusting diseases or anything worth not reading my blog any further in fear that you may either vomit or worse catch the non-existant disease.

Over this past weekend, we had a very beautiful day here in Nebraska. It wasn't too hot, the sky was clear and there was an enjoyable cool breeze. So we did the only logical thing and turned off the air and opened the windows (mind you we have screens over our windows).

Well in several windows, the screening has holes from reasons that wouldn't surprise me because our house is a big fat piece of rented shit. Everything was just lovely that day because of the lovely that I sat down and read a book Lovely Bones (really good book!) the whole thing that day. Well I didn't finish it until like midnight, but whatever.

So I laid on my bed and read it, well come night time, I kept getting bitten by a mosquito in my own fucking room. Those little blood-sucking-disease-causing creatures must have been coming through a secret portal because I shut my window and brutally killed several with my bare hand. I ended up with 7 bites on one arm and 2 on my leg.

Then came the itching...and oh my God it was bad. You would have thought I was dying from a nasty case of gangrene...because I'm soo familiar with gangrene.... I couldn't stop itching...itch itch itch...itch!

After considering all my options....putting myself out of my too drastic for a few bites. Maybe masking the itch with pain, such as; paper cuts inbetween each toe, bamboo strips under the finger nails, or the ever so popular stabing of the eye with a spoon!

On my way to the kitchen for a spoon, I vagly remember someone telling me something about nail polish and mosquito bites. Not that I was paying much attention at the time, but enough to remember it when in a predicament of my own. So I thought I'd try it since the bathroom was on the way to the kitchen. I open the medicine cabinet to find a bottle of liquid bandage. This sparked my interest. I figured it would serve the same purpose of the nail polish, so I went for it. I lathered it on each bite and let it dry...just waiting to be let down. Oh but to the contrary, no more itching!

Ladies and gentlemen, insert a good night sleep *here*.