Thursday, September 29, 2005
1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
Here it is:
"The extreme shock of it all must have been because I was caught off-guard".
This came from What's that smell?...Get back here you little shit
I was having a very very bad moment with my dog.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Did anyone else notice that Buffy is played in sindication on like 9 stations? I think FX was the channel I was watching it on today...Anyhoo I was watching it (the episode where Buffy is resurrected), and I was moved to tears. Then I realized that Buffy was the first and possibly the only show that has crappy acting by C-List actors that could still manage to make me cry...Now that's some good bad acting!!!
When do you think reality television will die??
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sunday, September 25, 2005
I am a sophmore in college. I graduated highschool in 2004 and the following Fall entered University of Nebraska at Omaha (UNO) while living at home. Alot of things happened around that time, one of them being my mother getting her hard-working ass laid-off b/c the company she worked for was moving to Mexico. For awhile I had to step up to the plate and really help out, which I don't regret for a moment b/c my mother has worked her ass off for the better part of her whole life all in the name of her children. Helping out financially tought me a valuable lesson that not many 18 year olds get to learn. Most of the 18 year olds (that I knew from high school) were at the peak of the party hard era of their life and not working to help pay bills.
The transition from high school to college while living at home proved to be not nearly as smooth as I would have enjoyed it to have been. It wasn't until after Winter break of Freshman year that it really hit me like a wall. I went through this realization that I totally missed or was currently missing out on that part of my life when I'm away from the parents, growing as a person, learning new things, and meeting new people. I was doing the exact opposite! I was closer to my parents then ever before (I don't feel that to be a bad thing), I was NOT growing as a person, and I was only losing people in my life. Losing people in the sense that my high school friends were either out of state for school or at UNO, but partying it up and making new friends thru drinking and realizing that I'm an old lady that doesn't party so why the hell be friends with her. It was all of this that really slapped me into a depressed state.
It's funny because I never say it out loud...I'm depressed. I can type it, but I don't even like to say it to myself in an empty house. Maybe because I feel like I should be ashamed for feeling that way, because there are so many people out there that have much better reason to be depressed, and what I'm going thru is just a funk, one that 'would be fixed if I'd just take vitamins'. I'd say that the worst period of my 'funk' was like February-May. I just didn't want to get out of bed. I slept all the time, the only things that got me up were school and work. I was so hostle with my mom for no reason, just because I couldn't muster up enough energy or happiness to smile and at least pretend that I was fine.
Several attempts were made by my amazing sister to try to openly talk about my issues, but I denied it, said I was fine and that it was just a phase. Only a couple of times during heated arguement would I say there was a problem. I've never once really talked to my mom about it, only because she works like 80 hours a week...on a good week, so I know that how ever I felt, she probably felt 10x worse. The breaking point was physically hurting myself. I had a friend that me and a few of my close friends put thru an 'intervention' if you will during high school b/c she openly mutilated herself b/c of issues she had with her parents. At that point in my life I was a happy-go-lucky girl that could not fathom inflicting intentional pain on myself in the hopes of making some form of emotional pain go away. I remember telling myself that I would never suppress my anger or sadness to the point of doing that. 3 years later, feeling that I was about to fall off the edge, curiosity drove me to it, with a pocket knife, nothing serious, just some scratches probably over a 2 month period. I don't really know why I did it, maybe b/c it was better than the other thoughts that lingered far off in the corners of my mind. I know that I'm not at all proud of it. I also know that the only thing that I benefitted from it was realizing that I was not THAT crazy and that hurting yourself physically will not solve any problem.
To date I have not recieved any counciling nor any medical treament, partially b/c if I can barely talk to myself or my family about my problems, I know I can't talk to a therapist. I do think I'm alot better, I try to stay in touch with people from high school, and try to keep myself busy in general. I don't have a job right now, which I think is why I'm having one of those days...
I left my job of 3 years last November due to a change of command in the company that didn't sit well with me. Other than a temp position at a tux rental shop that a friend of mine worked at, and my 12 hour/week work study job which I stopped working at in May, I haven't had a steady job. My intentions at the beginning of the summer was to take a break for a month or 2 and try to get myself back in order. Well it's been like 4 months, and I'm just now looking for a job. I need one b/c we just bought a house and I'm 19 so it's really my responsibility to contribute financially. Well I'm having a shitty time finding one! Just my luck...I've always seen 'NOW HIRING' signs everywhere I went, but aparently every employer in town knows that I'm job hunting, and they're just playin' it safe.
One thing that in a real loserish kind of way has helped me is blogging. I started mine in July and though I'm not really part of a 'blog community' I really do take comfort and joy out of the regular blogs that I read. It really helps with that good old remedy of laughing your problems away.
It does feel better getting that out...even if it's just venting to empty space.
Good Night and wishing y'all as happy of a Monday as humanly possible.
Listening to: Transatlanticism by Death Cab for Cutie on the Six Feet Under: Vol. 2 Soundtrack verrrrrry good song.
Friday, September 23, 2005
I wish I could post some things that I drew today, but I did everything on 18"x 24" newsprint... alittle too big for my scanner.
Yes that's right, I do not own a digital camera. Laugh all you want, but it's true and sad. I want one, I could use one, but we just have yet to get around to it, maybe soon.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Apparently South Campus Metro is right next to the Meat Packing Co.. Well they get daily...wait make that hourly truck loads of cows (moment of silence for the cows), and when they come, they really come...shit and ALL! The smell is just unbearable, and I'm not talking about your typical driving on the interstate and pass the cute cow pasture...we're talking I'd-rather-stick-my-nose-in-my-dogs-butt-b/c-it's-so-much-better kind of stank! It's a whole new level of stench!!
My sources tell me that they store the cows underground b/c a few years back they stored them aboveground and they passed an ordinence due to the unbearable smell. Okay, I don't even want to think about the possibility of that area smelling any worse!
My crazy neighbor is being crazy again..
I need a digital camera, so I can post my own pictures.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
If anyone knows how to put in a link section, please do tell, it would be greatly appreciated!
Peace Love and Nachos!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
The clunking is the worst issue to date. I hear it when I'm braking while in reverse, and it sounds like little gnomes whacking at my axel with wooden mallets. What if it really is? How weird would that be?
Had my micro-computer fundamentals class today. Nothing particularly exciting going on in there except for the fact that my instructor is a fool. She doesn't know a damn thing about computers, which makes me wonder how the hell she got a job teaching students..but we probably shouldn't pull on that string...
I seriously need to start blogging about my dreams, b/c you people would think I were on drugs if you read about some of the stuff I dream up.
Last night I dreamt that I was pregnant and I was telling everyone I knew about it, thus having giant baby showers thrown in me and my expecting offspring's honor...I even kept thinking that I needed to post about my baby coming on my blog, b/ c well, you all deserve to be in the know about my life. Half way through the dream I realize (while at my baby shower) that it was a lie that had gotten completely out of hand. I didn't have the balls to get up and tell everyone that I had made it all up, b/c that would make me look bad (wink wink). So instead I started to devise a plan that would get me knocked up ...exit that dream and enter another dream where I actually am pregnant, and I get the news that I'm having triplets...karma is such a bitch!
Moral of that dream? Don't lie otherwise you will give birth to triplets!
Friday, September 16, 2005
To make this class even more painful, the instructor is just BLAH! He seems to be a pretty easy-going fella, but man is he monotone and repeatitive. There were 2 things that this man kept saying; "The problem with that is" and "I suspect ....".The "I suspect" one is what started sounding like nails on a chalkboard after about 1hour into the class. I need the class to be full time, and it is a gen ed, so life is good...I suspect.
I went into a gas station today to get an application for employment, and the man behind the counter said to me, "why the hell you wanna work in a hell whole like this?" Good question strange old man, but you really don't want to pull on that thread...
I have a 7 hour art class tomorrow...wish me good luck!!
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Unpacking is slowly starting to show noticable progress. My moms idea of unpacking and clearing out the living room and dining room means, "we're putting all this shit in your room". My room has red carpet and peter rabbit wall paper (plus a 3-D rabbit light switch)...mind you, I am 19...
Turns out we have our very own crazy neighbor. No home is complete without one, right? We actually have a few, but this one in particular wins the competition. He's 17 years old and plays with the 6 year olds in the neighborhood... I'm starting to think he's not all there, which in any case I'm always plesent with him, but he's constantly lurking behind a bush in our yard. I'd let my dog loose on him, but my genius of a dog would opt to hump his leg rather than protect his big sister...
Sunday, September 11, 2005
For starters, my mother and I moved everything but heavy furniture by ourselves. We thought it would save money and in the long run I'm sure it did, but my God it was bad. Anyone familiar with Nebraska's lovely moist, sweltering heat knows the hell that it would be to spend a full 3-day weekend loading up a big ass U-haul truck (4 TIMES!) with only your 54 year old mother who is in no way built for that kind of labor, leaving you to do the shit end of it all.
I tried to put off the inevitable..I was hounded non-stop the last couple of days in the old house, and could barely take a piss without my mother around the corner asking, "When are you going to pack up that damn computer"? Amazingly enough, I was able to keep it up and running until the house was empty and it was either take it or leave it. Then came the fun part.
Way back when I had my internet access at my finger tips, I agreed to the idea of not having internet hooked up until we got settled into our new home (ie. 2-3 months). Well it turns out that someone who goes from using the internet everyday to not being able to touch it for days on end is very much similar to a drug detox program. The first few days I preoccupied myself with moving into the house, though it was on my mind constantly. Then came the sleepless nights where the only few minutes of sleep ended in a very uncomfortable cold sweat.
It was horrible. I was cut off from EVERYTHING! I read my news online, so I was not in the 'know' with things. Not to mention, we don't have television yet either, so that made it even worse! I actually had to do things like clean house, read, socialize...these are untread grounds for me.
I'm at my grandma's house right now, but now that school has started I can use the computer lab to regroup and collect myself. Plus now that I should be getting back into regular posting mode, you'll be rolling on the floor with all the funny shit that has happened while moving. So take off your shoes, put on your sweater jacket and sit down cuz it nothing but good times ahead!
Happy sailing to all
- ► 2006 (45)
- Heavenly Comfort
- Autumn is in the air
- I do not look forward to Saturday's anymore. I hav...
- I'm 52% DORK
- Holy Shit
- At Ease
- Issues HELP
- The Lynx, Gnomes, and babies
- I suspect that it would SUCK
- Friends..friends..and yes, more FRIENDS!
- What life is like with out the world wide web...
- I'm alive!
- ▼ September (15)