Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Random Thoughts
-Why do weathermen always forecast snow during the P.M. drive home?
-I once worked with a lady that believed that any time a big red truck drove by it was the local news man; Jon Knicely coming to pick her up and pimp her out to the children and Methodis Childrens Hospital. Is it wrong that everytime I see him relaying the top news stories of the day, I am gently reminded of him bogusly pimping out Rosita at the children's hospital?
-Anytime you have the words 'pimp', 'children', and 'hospital' in a single know it can't be good!
-Prank calls serve an important purpose. They help get people's heads out of their own asses!
-Drinking wine out of a purple plastic cup (which has a duplicate that we use to gargle water after cleaning the teeth) is not very classy.
-I think I have ESP...its really spooky. I was wondering yesterday when Jack White (white strips) and his strange looking wife were going to give birth to their child. It turns out that today was the announcement that they were pregnant.
-I think I want to be a nurse. I always wanted to go to med school, but I constantly doubt myself. Nursing seems like a path worth taking. It just so happens that Wonder Woman is going into the same career. GO YOU WW!!
Nighty night night!

Monday, November 28, 2005

Let It Snow, Oh Let It Snow Dammit
Well I guess I should have seen it coming, we're due to get a few inches of the big white blanket. Right now they're saying that eastern Nebraska is lucky because to the north and west they got "pounded with a monster blizzard", (their words, not mine). I must still be a young school child at heart because when they forecast snow, in my heart I wish for 30 inches so that they'll call off school. Unfortunately unlike school a snow storm will not get me out of having to go to work (and not even if I wear my pj's inside out and backwards) at 5am tomorrow morning. My mom is about to have a nervous breakdown just thinking about me driving in bad weather tomorrow morning.
I just thought I'd let ya know what's "going on in my neck of the woods" (again, their words, not mine). I will now got sleepy sleepy.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Give Thanks By Getting Fat
I hope all my wonderous and corky blogger friendlies had a great Thanksgiving! I enjoyed it very much so. I worked from 7am-3pm in which I got paid time and a half , which is always lovely no matter what way you slice it. Got home and was greated by the sweet smell of sweet potato casserole and turkey in the oven. We didn't eat until like 9pm which is really late for us, but I killed time by downing 3 Heineken's...took a little pre-turkey snooze and was then awokened to a table full of special foods to help us give thanks.
In exchange for giving thanks, I had to bench my diet for the holiday and eat like it was going out of style. To be quite honest, I didn't even eat half a plate full, it's just that it's all so rich and creamy....*insert watering tongue here*. And the only thing worse than going off your diet for one day of pure food madness is to go pant shopping the day after! I don't recommend this to anyone! It WILL cause serious depression and bad thoughts if you do! I went to Old Navy yesterday and found the most awesome deal on pants...$12.65 each...that's right, any pair of pants, only $12.65 each! No limitations, No gimicks. just down right whorishly cheap pants! I bought 4 pairs and only spent $50. The only depressing thing is that my size pants feel noticably tighter today then they did on Wed...I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin...
People that I blog with on a daily basis, (you know who you are), I would love it if you could email me an address that I could send a Christmas card (and/or possibly more if you've been a good little blogger this year...;) ). It's totally optional, I'd just like to wish you all good times this holiday season. Just something to think about.
Random Thoughts...Thanksgiving Style:
-The red temperature gadge that comes in the breast of the turkey is not born with it stuck in him/ least I don't think!?!?
-When you offer your mother help in the kitchen and she turns you down, never actually take this as confirmation to do nothing, always be ready to peel, wash, stir, cut, or baste something...It has taken me 19 years to figure this out.
-Don't eat turkey after 7pm when you have to wake up at 4am the next morning...Tryptophan will knock you on your ass for at least 8 hours.
- Turkey and it's Tryptophan seem to have a reverse effect on Lhasa Apso's...just my friggin luck!
-Heineken is goooooood.
-When you work an 8 hour shift on Thanksgiving and are forced to greet all 300 some customers, you WILL get your tongue tied after the first 50 and greet them with "Thappy Hanksgiving".
-People look at you like you're mentally absent when you wish them a 'Thappy Hanksgiving' ...
-What the hell is so wrong with wanting to serve dessert first on Thanksgiving? By the time Pie Time rolls around, I'm too full! You don't understand people, a girl needs pie!!
-According to my Uncle Bill, you must Answer the phone with a 'Happy Thanksgiving' no matter who is calling... Then can I still tell telemarketers and creditors to burn in the flames of hell after I wish them a Happy Thanksgiving?
-My mom makes the worlds best Pumpkin Pie...but don't ask about the Rudabega...damn that rudabega, just damn it!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Cheers to Sweet Rowan In Good Ole' Canada
Rowan recently left a comment on one of my posts that made me realize that I should probably very briefly explain to those of you that so kindly read this blog what exactly I'm all about. Bear with me!
I'm a 19 year old female from Nebraska. I technically attend University of Nebraska at Omaha (UNO), but this past semester I took a brief hiatus from UNO and signed up at the community college to knock out some of the Gen. Ed. courses. It has come to my attention that it was one of the dumbest things I ever chose to do. I had my reasons, some of which I won't bore you with, but one of the large ones was that I got really depressed last year (I've talked all about it in this previous post) and though I feel 149% better, I'm still trying to sort out certain feelings and things that go on inside my head. The depression kind of made me have a panic attack and question my outlook on my future. I started doubting my ability to go ahead with planning for Med School and I came to the conclusion after last year that UNO was too much stress and at the rate I was going with the way I felt, I didn't want to trash my GPA or my experience at UNO by being in such an emotional rut. Because of the way their schedule works, I'm not sure that I'll be able to get in for this coming semester (Winter), but I know that I'll be back for Summer courses, which I'm quite excited about.
I live with my Suga Momma, but she gets mad when I add the Suga' to the title. She is an amazing lady. She currently manages a gas station in Omaha. We've had our ups and downs as mother and daughter, but at the end of the day I couldn't love, admire, or believe in anyone or anything as much as I do her. We are each others rock (which at times can become shaky) and for that I am so luckyto have her to call Mom. Which is why it is okay to say that my Mom can also be the craziest lady on the planet! Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be around her while on drugs. I'll put that on my list of things to do before I die...
I have 2 older sisters, one is a department manager at a clothing store and the other who is by far my favorite is a senior at Northwest Missouri State University. In May she will graduate with a degree in Political Science and from there who knows! She's the kind of person that can do whatever she puts her mind to and comes out shining! Not to get all sappy on y'all, but she is the person I strive to be like. I'm so proud of all she's accomplished and I'd be lucky if I could turn out to be half as great as her. (I love you Lydia!)
Now don't get me wrong, I love my other sister, but she's the apitomy of crazy. It's just better if you keep your distance from her. You know those kind of old crazy ladies that have lots of cats and their house is covered in cat shit, but they keep accumulating more cats because they're crazy and crazy people sure as hell don't keep a respectable number of felines under one roof...My sister is on her way to becoming that. She has taken 2 cats under her wing in the last 6 months and I have a strange tingly feeling that she will be adding to that soon.
I also have a dog. His name is Oscar (AKA Oscar-Meyer, Oscar-Meyer-Weiner Man, Wittle Man, Boo, The most favored child by my mother...). Oscar is a Lhasa Apso and unfortunately for us we found out AFTER we bought him, that Lhasa Apso's are one of the most stubborn breeds out there.... He is a small furry pain in the ass, that will suck food out of my mothers mouth just for the sake of getting people food. His bargaining weapon when he gets in trouble is peeing on my mothers feather bed. If he eats a pen found on the floor and we try to yell at him for it, he runs into her room, jumps on her bed and teasingly lifts a leg ever so slowly as if to say.."Go ahead, yell at me dumbasses...I dare ya! You must make a choice between the $275 bedding or yelling at me...". Works every damn time! Sometimes I want to kill him but I actually love him to death.
Oh and I love John Cusack.
Warm-like-urine Thoughts!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Where is a friggin' camera when you need one?
So I just got home from the dreaded Thanksgiving preparation grocery shop. Spent a whopping $85 on food, but I'm told from many sources that it will be well worth it. And by sources...I do mean the voices in my head that control my hunger. My mom is by far the best cook out there. Her pumpkin pie can and will defeat any competition out there...Be afraid, be very very afraid.
The big topic for conversation (or to some, arguement) this year has been what to make and what NOT to make. You see, several things have occured this year that lead me to believe that it would only make sense that we skip on a few dishes. I could go into details, but my fingers are too tired to type out that novel.
Anyway, more importantly, while we were at the grocery store something amazing happened...I saw a man that looked EXACTLY like Harrison Ford! It was breath-taking! It just figures that I didn't have a camera to capture the moment. Oh well.
I'm out!

Thursday, November 17, 2005

I'm bored. I don't have my class tonight, so I'm at home just jollybloggin'. I'm in the mood to make up new words. Deal.
You know what is just down right annoying? Hearing a new song on the radio, but having not a clue in the world who sings it. Generally this happens when it's a new artist. Case and point? I heard this great new song in the car the other day, and realized that I must have it. It sounded EXACTLY like Maroon 5 (which I don't normally care for). After extraordinary efforts were made to try and find this song online, but nothing. It didn't help that I had no song title to help me out, just the melody in my head. Feeling frustrated and at my wits end after long horrid hours of searching with no luck, I gave in and went to a local CD store. I thought for sure that the musically gifted employees could assist me in my heroic efforts. I get there and provide a young man by the name of Trey with all the following information I had on this song: "1. Sounds like Maroon 5 (but also sounds like a man sucking helium after being kicked in the ball sack), 2. Somewhat slow-going song, I'd get freaky to about you Trey? Me, you, and a man with a bruised nut sack and a balloon?!?!? 3. And I distinctly remember the phrase 'flying high'...and Trey, just between you and me...I don't think he was talking about an aircraft ;)"
I think I may have scared the poop and piss out of Trey. Too much for such a low paying part-time job I bet. I don't blame him, I hate it when the crazies come in looking for 'information'. After all was said and done, he didn't seem to have a clue what the hell I was talking about, so directed my to their wonderful Maroon 5 collection. He said to me "here's our Maroon 5 inventory, sounds like Maroon 5, and is complete with a high pitched ball sack injured sounding singer...Sleezy sexual inuendos, and if you're lucky their may be reference to being cracked out on drugs." *Thinks hard in confusion* "I think that's the first time I've ever used those as selling points".
I didn't buy that CD, but the good news is I heard the song on the radio again shortly after that odd experience and discovered that it is by a new artist named James Blunt. He's an import from somewhere.. Maybe Ireland or England. The song is called "You're Beautiful" good stuff there. I ended up searching on iTunes for it, and found it, but to my surprise I found an even better song by him called "Goodbye My Lover" and oh my Gawd! The tears would not stop! Can you say 'LEAKY FAUCET'??
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Just a few Random Thoughts for the road...
- Orange Tic Tacs DO NOT compensate for a snack! I now realize why they print on packaging "Not a significant source of calories". Doesn't even crave hunger. I speak from very recent experience...
-Hot sauce really can be put on anything.
- Scratch that, hot sauce CAN NOT be put on Tic Tacs! blahhgg!
-Michaela needs to remember that cough drops are NOT candy.
-Mom does not like it when I refer to cooking utensils as surgical utensils.
-I too would like to shake my belly like a bowl full of jelly.
Good night and wishful thinking!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

2 Posts Today...YAY
Well for anyone NOT in the midwest region, we're having a very wet/windy snow storm. It sucks BIG TIME! The wind has already topped out at 40 MPH. Well I was at my mom's work trying to help one of her employee's change gas prices outside. There are 4 signs at her location, and they're about 30 ft up in the air. You have to use a big pole like tool to move numbers around... And dawgonnit, we couldn't fucking change the numbers! The sign was icy and the suction part of the tool was wet...making it impossible.
Well while doing this, the local news station pulls up and starts video taping me and Chris laughing and yelling explitives at this sign, I contemplated giving them a friendly finger of sorts, but waved to them instead. Then they left. They just left! Without asking for my name...number...measurements!?!?! Nadda..Nothin' ! I was a bit confused for a short time, because I was under the impression that you must get permission from people before you put them on camera or at least ask them who they're wearing....neither of which they did. Well it turns out they asked my mother... So if all goes as planned, I may be on the local news tonight! AWOOHOO!
Random Facts For Your Tuesday:

-This morning I put the Q-tip in too far...Note to self: Michaela, stop when there is resistance!

-The snow is sticking to inappropriate areas of my dogs is really starting to tick him off!

-My dog was so excited when I came home today that he peed on my foot...Is it bad that only 65% of me thought it was disgusting, while the other 35% thought it was lovely because my shoes and socks were soaking wet and frozen from the snowy/slushy ground and the urine was warm. Thus, causing my foot to instantly warm up?

-After re-reading the above fact, I threw up alittle in my mouth...reassuring me that indeed 100% of me now thinks it was unbelievably disgusting!

-I too wish I could go 1 mile on a Hippity Hop...

-My dear mother will always do 2 things: 1. Take 2 Ginko Biloba vitamin tablets in the morning. 2. Refer to Ginko Biloba as "Ginko Binko"

"Mom, It is not a game on The Price is Right. "

-I think I may be the only person that has no problem blogging on a Sunday night. Cheers to those with no life or values...

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Public Service Announcement
Today me and my mother went to Nebraska Furniture Mart (NFM) for a gas stove. We decided that to fit in with our budget better and still get the one we wanted, we'd apply for the instore credit card. This allows you to pay what you want on it, we of course will pay it off as soon as possible, but it's a bit of a comfort to know that we don't have to pay it all at once.
My moms credit is pretty good, well good enough to be able to buy a house (not sure if that says a whole lot). My parents are divorced, and about 10 years ago my dad ruined my moms credit purely on 3 things: laziness and gambling and stupidity. Luckily my mother is a genius with her brilliant street smarts and has done a remarkable job building her credit to where it is today. She was however a blob of nerves and stress while waiting the whole 10 minutes to see if she was approved for a card.
This was the process, and quite strange it was to me. We picked out the stove we wanted and with the help of a tall, burly, raspy-voiced man named Bill who seemed to have a bad case of indegestion...(that or he was constantly yawning with his mouth money is on the indegestion) we were able to order it and set up a day for delivery. As far as payment options went, we could pay for it all up front, or apply for a NFM credit card and only pay a minimum of $30 a month. Burly bill innocently (though very convincingly) put the fear of God in my mother when he told us that we have to wait 15-20 minutes in a seating area for the results of our credit check. Life changing shit right there people! As if my mother was a dead-beat man waiting on the results of a paternity test...
So we get to the little booth where they input her info and send it to the credit check office...probably like 10 stories below ground level in a heavily guarded room to protect the creditors from angry declined customers. They have us take a seat in this small area and wait for our name and results to be called. The seating area is literally in the middle of the busiest part of the store and my mom is ready to pee her pants in fear of them broadcasting over the intercom that she has been declined for a credit card. The fun I had with her during those terrifying 14 minutes...I'll remember it for weeks..maybe even months.
Conclusion to this story is that she was approved and we ended up with a new gas stove which will be hear between 5pm-9pm on Wednesday..YAY!
Random Thought: Highschool football mom's scare the BAJESUS out of me!
My life is pretty boring right now...I've decided to make an amazon wish list, but it'll take some time.

Kisses! Who's you're blogga'?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

The only thing worse than a rude person is a person who is being rude just for the sake of being rude. I had a customer come in today to buy cigarettes, and man oh man was he a real ass! The guy was probably in his early 50's and he came in with one of those huge check books...more like a check binder, I think they're only for businesses. Didn't say hello in return or anything, just looked up long enough to point and ask(more like demand) 3 packs of Marlboro's. I went ahead and got them, proceeded to ring them up on the register and then asked hime if there would be anything else with his purchase today. He looked at me as if I had started rambling off in a language very much foreign to him, then said no in the rudest way possible. His total came to $11.20 and he wrote out his check and handed it to me. We run our checks electronically on the spot to keep us from excepting bad ones, the only problem is that sometimes the check machine won't except business check...though sometimes it will. So I go to the machine to run it, and the guy says to me as if he were employee of the month; "NO, the check will not go through, so DO NOT put it in there!" I looked at him and said in the sweetest most polite way possible, "Sir, I've got it, thank you". What I really wanted to say is "Why the fuck don't you leave the cashier handling procedures to me and I'll leave the fugly old white man job to you....Oh and smoke a few more packs a day to speed up the process, thank you, and come again"! Of course that would not be in my nature, now would it? The icing on the cake for this situation was when he asked for a book of matches. Now for anyone that smokes, you'll know that many gas stations offer a complementary book of matches when you buy a pack of cigarettes. Our company is not soo anal retentive that it requires you give out NO MORE than 1 book per customer, but it's pretty much common sense that 1 is ample amount for one person. Well Mr. jack ass had this to say to me when I handed him 'only' 1 book of matches to him; "Hello in there(refering to my brain?) 3 packs would mean 3 book of's not as if it were rocket science or anything". I couldn't make this shit up even if I tried!

In regards to my previous post, I've gotten quite a few comments from you guys taking to heart my CNL (Christmas Needs List). Just so you know, I don't expect any of you to supply me with any of these items that will be sparatically posted in the coming months.The adult part of me is posting the CNL as a mental note written down, while the child in me posts the CNL in hopes that the big fat guy in the red suit will be reading blogs to help him distinguish the naughty and nice of bloggers. I love you guys and if anything would just like a post card, other wise just blogging with you is more than enough for this purdy lady!

Speaking of my CNL....

Item #2 of Need:

A vintage shirt. I feel the need to conform, and though this fashion trend is probably very close to dead if not already, I'm still game. I found this site and found a few that made me and the voices in my head laugh.

It can be one that you saw and liked, or you can let the originality pour out and make one up! I have no originality I'll need time on this one.

Going to bed because I have to wake up at 4am...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Hello kiddies, it's been awhile since we last mingled...Well if you call a week a 'while' as I certainly do. I apologize for the absense, but I started my new job a couple of weeks ago, and I'm really friggin tired when I get home. I have however, missed you like you wouldn't believe!

The job is going well, like I said I'm just tired. I have to wake up Tues-Fri at 4:15am which needless to say I am not used to. I also worked the late shift last night which will be a weekly thing, and then I helped out at another store on Friday night b/c they were short handed. Many of you may be thinking, "shit woman, 35 hours a week and you think you're dead tired now? Try working 50 or 60 hours a week then tell me how 35 hours felt" or something along those lines. Keep in mind that I have not worked a stand-up job in about 6 months, so my body just has to get used to it again.

Friday night when I got home, my feet were KILLING me! They hurt soo bad, I just wanted to cut them off. Do you ever stand on your feet so long that when you finally relax, you just want to kneed them like bread dough? Well that's how mine felt on Friday. Friday was a particularly long day though. I worked 6am-noon and then again from 3pm-10pm...So that was a pretty long day with only 2 lunch breaks back-to-back inbetween.BLAAHHHG!

The store that I work at is open 24 hours and the over-night shift is covered by one person. Well on Thursday nights it's covered by this really tall, kid who for the sake of his own protection we'll call, Ned. So I got to work Friday morning and Ned was finishing up putting the order away when somehow him and another employee got to talking about Santa. They got on the topic of when each one stopped believing in Santa and Ned says to us, "I never believed in Santa because my mom never told me he was real". We were like, huh? Then he said, "Yeah, my mom doesn't believe in lying to children"... After he said it I was alittle sad for him, but not at all wierded out by it, until he made his next comment. "Yeah, and I used to work at a daycare, and I told all the kids that Santa wasn't real...they didn't beleive me at first, but I told them my mom told me straight up, he's fake".

Now that I've officially introduced the topic of Santa, I'd like to state for the record that the holidays are just around the corner and that means that lists of all kinds need to be made. And in the honor of Dane and his Christmas Needs List, I too will offer insight as to what I would like for the holiday season...Just incase the big man in the red suit is a blogger himself.

You Gotta Have Friends:

That's right, I'm a proud fan of mid 90's television phenomenon, that follows the lives, loves, and laughs of six young friends living in Manhattan. I already have complete Seasons 1,2,5,and 7, the best of collections vol.1-4, and for some unknown reason I have 2 copies of the best of season 4 dvd. I would love any of the following : Seasons 3, 4, 6, 8, 9, or 10