Clean like Mr. Clean minus the bald head

I spent the WHOLE day cleaning my house. If a clean house is supposed to make oneself feel better, well it didn't work. I'm tired, sore, and I smell like unscented bleach! I don't know why they call it 'unscented' because it definately has a stank to it! I also spent the day watching Friends reruns while I dabbled in domesticity. At this point I'm practically pooping Friends trivia.



So while I was cleaning the bathroom and cleaning out my makeup drawer, I got a little distracted and started playing makeover Michaela into a futuristic whore...well that's what my mom said I looked like. My mother loves me, I swear she does, maybe.





This was the end result:

They call that shade of red 'paprika paprika'. I call it 'holy fuck thats bright'.




If these are my bedroom eyes, than WHOA watch out!




I look like I had a mild stroke. And then tried to cover up the half paralyzed face with 'holy fuck that's bright' red lipstick.


Note: These pictures were taken before I decided that it would be a good idea to add green to the eye makeup...I never know when to step back.




Oh and this one is my ode to Amy Winehouse. Noticably missing is the crack pipe and sailor tattoos. You get the idea though:




I hope everyone has a sex dream tonight...It just feels like one of those nights. Damn, you probably will after looking at this post, that or you'll throw up your dinner. One or the other. I guess I should be flattered that you're thinking of me. Even if it costs you a meal.

Tuesday

I refuse to watch American Idol. Not because Paula seems high during every episode, and not b/c Randy uses the term 'dog' more times than I can count (and NONE are in reference to mans best friend!). I'm not watching American Idol this year b/c those ass wipes came to Omaha to do auditions and they painted Omaha to be some redneck inferior town, where our water is fetched from the well twice a day. Almost all of the people that made it on to that episode, weren't even from Omaha, rather the surrounding states! One girl was from LA, are you kidding me??

In all honesty I've never looked forward to a new American Idol season, I just thought I'd spill my rant.

I don't want to work today. My boss has it out for me and so she schedules me early today knowing full well that I was there until after midnight last night. I hate her and her over plucked eyebrows!

I've promised a dear blogger friend my top 3 gas station moments...they are coming, theres just so many directions I could go in, that I have to sort it all out in my head...it's giving me a headache.

This is what happens when you fuck with gas station clerks...we keep your change and store it in this very earthy looking piece of pottery. No, there's not any ashes in there...we're not like that, we'll just throw your body in the dumpster out back.

Inabling a fat person

My mother just made THE best lasagna in the world. The 2 main ingredients are cream and butter...OH MY GHAWD! It's worth every ounce that it adds to my hips.

The cord was incorrectly cut...I'M BACK BITCHES

Okay I'm just not feeling the whole wordpress jive. No offense to the mastermind behind that slice of awesome shit pie, but I just glanced at my partner in crimes NEW blog and felt that hole in my heart that was yurning for me to come back home...or maybe I just missed the simplicity of blogger, the first reason just seemed a hell of alot more interesting.

Let's get this stuff started!



It's a frog...humping a deli warmer case. Yeah.

Strap on your seatbelt

Cuz I'm a bitch today.

I think someone put something in the water at work. Maybe a PMS tablet.

It's rainy, cold, and bitchy out!

Are you kidding me?

DO NOT stick your finger, your dirty, crusty, looks as if it's already dead before the rest of your body, finger into that BBQ sandwich sitting in the deli warmer THEN change your mind and put it back.

I think I just puked in my mouth.

From Spinning Girl

1. My favorite childhood toy was ...Mini chalk/dry erase board, I only liked the chalk side because I'd stand and scribble on it and speak to the stairs like they were my students.
2. My favorite childhood game was ...Eye Spy, instant classic!
3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was ...I'm sorry but I have 2! Dirty Dancing and Goonies. I physically cannot pick just one, it's not possible. I was sooo not old enough to wrap my tiny brain around the plot of Dirty Dancing, I just loved the music and the dancing...oh and the pretty pink dress! Then there's Goonies...I don't need to expound on this one because it is obvious!
4. I don't do it much but I enjoy ...scetching
5. If I could lighten up a little, I'd let myself ... go to a kareokee bar sober
6. If it weren't too late I'd ...have tried harder in grade school
7. My favorite musical instrument is ...piano
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is ... uhh maybe $25...unfortunately bills come first. I hate being responsible. I bet ya one months rent that irresponsible is much more fun.
9. If I could get anything for my inner artist, I'd buy him/her ...adobe illustrator and a fine set of oil pastels
10. Taking time out for myself is ...getting my nails done
11. If I start dreaming ...don't wake me up!
12. I secretly enjoy reading ...the dictionary
13. If I only could have grown up to be ...more spontaneous
14. I wish I could make/write/grow/ create a ...perfect world
15. My parents think that I ...do more than I should/am too fat
16. What makes me feel weird is ...the feeling that someone is behind me when really there isn't, it happens all the time!
17. My most cheer-up music is ...80's
18. My favorite way to dress is ...casual...jeans and a tshirt make me extremely happy.

Things that make me wonder...

Seeing a 50 some year old man driving a mercedes convertable with shoulder length curly hair.

I'm not sure what I'm more jealous of, the fact that he owns a mercedes or the fact that he has perfectly curly long hair...I want both!

Sweet tea and bugs

I had a really long day at work today and I am so glad to be home.

Gas station customers really piss me off! They just have to have something to complain about. It doesn't help that my store is located in the center of a very wealthy area, so there are actually women that go to local businesses and complain about the most miniscule things and consider it a hobby. God forbid they sit and read a book or take up tennis! NOOO, come and antagonize the gas station clerks, that'll surely waste a large chunk of time.

I discovered a strange rash on my arm and I questioned my boss as to where it came from. She suggested it came from a liquid or powder substance there at work. I pondered the thought of it being anthrax for about 20 minutes but decided it was probably the new lotion I had used earlier this morning. My family has always said I was over-dramatic.

My work has a praying mantis that will not go away. At first I thought it might be a different one each day, because who the hell would want to stick around my job for a week straight? Well given my curious nature, I did something that I'm sure will cause bug lovers much distress...I placed a dot on the body of the praying mantis with a permanent marker. Well I attempted to but when the marker touched it, it squirmed a little bit causing my marker to shimmy...which made the mark resemble a heart, which I could not pass up the opportunity! I finished the job and gave it a heart tattoo!

I'm aware that I'm going to go to hell.

Did you hold your breath?

I've been around. Not alot of it is worth mentioning, and since most of you don't come to these blogs to get sleepy I'll refrain from going into detail on my lack of commitment to this blog...To be quite honest if I told you it was anything other than laziness it would be a big fat lie.

Nebraska is really f---ing hot this summer. I don't do well in 100 degree weather. I get grumpy...much more easily than usual, which for a 21 year old overweight female battling depression is not good news for people near me.

I just realized I'm too tired to blog tonight, so I'll get back to this tomorrow!

Good night

Chaellyboo 3.0

Well I think I took a long enough hiatus. Alot has been happening in my life...some may not be all that interesting, but it's still news in my life. Unfortunately when I get down to blogging about it, I can't translate it to the keyboard. I swear I come to blogger.com 3 maybe 4 times a week with every damn intention to blog, and I end up turning right back around and indulging in other dirty pleasures (ie. Pink is the New Blog).

Everytime I've tried then failed at this blog thing, I seriously contemplated deleting the whole fucking thing. The only thing was that I couldn't do it. I'm emotionally attached to this thing. It's been something that I've been able to be consistant with (minus the last 2 months...)and I can't say that about alot in my life.

So I'm giving it another go for it. I figure I have my work, my dog, the fact that I'm mad most of the time, and all the other shit in my life to keep this blog full of new and interesting posts. I'm hoping for more pictures and some more pazazz in my writing. I also fully understand that I'm gonna have to make the blog community rounds again...as I've had serious issues with doing that as well. Please don't think I've forgotten about you guys. You're always my favorites!

Where the hell you been

What the fuck Michaela? Where have you been? Well I've been busy! Well not really... I do work alot, so that will be my excuse. I doubt that anyone has taken notice of my 2 month leave of absence, which I'm totally okay with. Nothing alittle voodoo can't fix.

So I'm at a friends house right now, so I can't really concentrate and make a real post, but I'm gonna leave you with some tips from a professional:

Watch: Thank You For Smoking

~This is my new favorite movie. Aaron Eckhart is just awesome in it. The first five minutes are what hooked me, but I guarentee it is a good one.

Read: Little Beauties

~ I acutally haven't finished it, but I love the concept. A woman with OCD, a pregnant teenager swearing to give her unborn child up for adoption, and the teenagers unborn fetus all narrate the book.

Listen: The mixed CD I just made!
1. The Only One by Evanescence
2. Nowhere Warm by Kate Havnevik
3. All I need by Mat Kearney
4. Quicksand by Sleeping at Last
5. Walking With A Ghost by Tegan and Sarah
6. Thrown It All Away by Brandi Carlile
7. Lullaby by Dixie Chicks
8. Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol
9. Everything Changes by Staind

I'll make a real post soon!

9-11 and more

I feel like I have nothing to blog about lately. My mind is not retaining anything that happens in my life. My life hasn't been boring or nonexistant, it's just that I'm having serious issues with trying to recall anything. For the most part I have just been working and hanging out with friends. One thing I do want to mention is...

This week does mark the 5th year anniversary of Sept. 11. It is a day that I will always remember where I was, what I was doing, and how I was feeling. When I was younger I remember talking to my mom about how I had learned about the assassination of JFK in school and her recalling where she was when that happened. It always boggeled my mind that 30 some years later and she still remembers what she was wearing when that happened. She always told me that something was bound to happen in my lifetime that would linger in the dark corners of my memory until the day I passed. For me it is 9-11. I was in 10th grade that year. I was in my 2nd period English class being taught by my favorite teacher, Mrs. Kelly. I was in the middle row 3rd desk back when a teacher from across the hall ran into our room and without any hesitation turned on our t.v.. I was so distracted by the building on the screen that was up in flames that I didn't bother to read the scrolling information at the bottom of the screen. My initial reaction was that the building in downtown Omaha was up in flames. And the moment I saw the second plane crash into the second building, I realized that this was not in Omaha, and that this was no ordinary, run of the mill fire. I felt a chill down my spine when I realized that someone did it intentionally. Over 3000 people perished on that one single day.

I will never forget that day. ever.
*******************************************************

I'm happy to announce that I'm finally doing more with my social life. I even let loose and saw a movie at the Old Dundee Theatre...We saw Little Miss Sunshine, and holy boats it was good! Definately something I would recommend. I also finally watched the first Lord Of The Rings. It took several nights to watch the whole thing, only because I watched it at night while in bed, and I kept falling asleep. The thing with me and my bed is when we come into contact, the bed always wins. It doesn't even have to sweet talk me, or lure me in with cheap chocolate, I'm always out in 13-14 minutes no matter how many energy drinks I consume. Anyways, I finished it on Wednesday and now I can barely wait to watch the second and third.

So I've been watching Project Runway like a dirty whore and I've decided that it is time to learn how to sew. It's something I've always been amazed by...the fact that you can take a yard of fabric and make it into something of use, is beyond amazing to me. I'd love to try and make myself a dress one of these days...so long as it doesn't come out looking like a moo-moo from the clearance rack at the local department store.

When I have to reference moo-moo's in my blog, I know that means I need to lose weight....I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'!

Do thoughts like these send people to hell?

I think there is someone at work fabricating information about his cancer....I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin!

Powerball brings out the crazies

I don’t think I’ve ever been so relieved to have had someone other than me win the $200 million jackpot. Don’t get me wrong, it would be amazing if I had been the winner, but holy fuck it sucks at work when it gets above $150 mil. People start to turn into savage beasts! Plus everyones supersticious ways become more and more evident. I have a regular that comes into the store and gets a quick pick lotto ticket. He checks it over and decides if he likes the “position” of the numbers then if everything is good for him, he’ll get another ticket, only this time with his choice of “position” for the numbers. All I ever want to say is, “just take a ticket and move along or I’ll position my foot up your ass!”.

Trying

I'm really trying to get back in the mind set to lose weight. I've just completely let myself go in the last year...or two. I've let it take a backseat to alot of things in my life, and the truth is that I'm happier when I have something so real and serious to focus on. Everything in my life is healthier when I'm in good health...or trying to get into good health. I'm a more organized person and most importantly I'm much more active.

I'm not one of those people that loves their body for what it is, I'm just not. I don't consider myself insecure, but that doesn't mean that I have to enjoy being fat. I feel like my whole personality suffers for my shame. So I'm gonna try to go back on my diet. I think I'm close enough to the right mindset to do it for real this time.

About 4 years ago I lost nearly 80 lbs. (granted I wasn't as heavy from the start as I am now) but it was probably the best feeling I've ever had. I felt like I had something to be proud of. I was active and felt good about myself. I want that back. When I try to picture my future, I never see it with me being extremely heavy. My diet blog is back up and running, and I hope I can keep it updated because I think that might help me stay motivated.

We'll see if this is the real deal or not!

Well last night was memorable...We had some company over for drinks and a barbecue and well it was crazy to say the least. For anyone that really knows me they know that I'm not a heavy drinker...I drink a beer or a margarita every now and then. So minus the 2002 New Years Eve champaigne incident and the sleep over that included beer, whiskey, tequila, and vodka...I think it is safe to say that I'm no lush. WELL, last night was a bit different. I didn't even think I drank all that much at first, but when you take into consideration that I slammed down 2 generous sized margaritas, then tried...TRIED to do a shot of vodka...it came right back up! Maybe alittle stayed down there, but not much. Then I had a wine cooler mixed with margarita...which was gross, but lovely to my tipsy taste buds. I tried to drink Red Bull and vodka but due to the earlier incident with vomit, it just wasn't meant to be! Then I had a mudslide, which I didn't even like, but they made me chug it...blahh

Anyways, I ended up jumping into the pool with all my clothes on...several times! I know at some point I started crying. And my friend Keegan might have seen me half naked...Good news is that I had fun and I don't have a hangover!

Angry no more

I hit a new low in my mood swings. I realized that I was finding off the wall reasons to be mad a people in my life. I would get pissed off for silly reasons all for the sake of being angry. Some days I feel like it's easier to be mad than to be happy. Being content and at peace was just too easy. When I'm angry I know that my brain is keeping busy and therefore keeps my mind off of other depressing thoughts. Is it bad to say that waking up every morning with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my heart is just too much effort most days? Is it strange that I've been told that my idle face (which is when I am at my most relaxed) is a frightful glare, that people don't dare mess with?

I'm happy to say that as of today I am not mad at anyone! Well I'm always alittle ticked off at Paris Hilton...Seriously! She hits a parked car and gets a tickle on the hand...I rear-end someone that slammed on their brakes at the worst time, and I get ticketed, my insurance goes up, my 1986 Mercury Piece Of Shit is all messed up and my mother has something to use against me for years to come... Fair? I think not!

Anywho....yes it is true, I'm not mad at any of the important people in my life, and it feels good. I feel like I can take a deep breath without wanting to scream expletives on the exhale. I must say that for a good couple of weeks I was even worried about myself. More in the sense of my state of mind and attitude. I was someone that you wanted to stay away from, mostly because you wouldn't put it past me to throw something dense and jagged in your general direction.


Michaela

I Can't Do It

It just hit me. I don't want to leave blogger! I love blogger. Blogger has always been good to me. I met some of my favorite bloggies on Blogger! Blogger I'm home for good!

Deer Lord!

Yes, I live in Nebraska. No, I don't live on a farm around lots of animals! I pride myself on the fact that I live in Omaha, a very suburbanized city that keeps getting bigger and bigger. I say this because last night my friend Keegan and I hit a deer! You always hear about it happening on the interstate, and we have signs posted on the sides of any roads that lay up against a large body of wooded acreage, but when it happens to you, the shock of it all is no less.

We were on our merry ole way down a street that gets quite a bit of traffic during the day time hours, though at night it's pretty deserted. Keegan and I had just been rockin' our tiny tushes out to Techno Friday on the local rock station, when we headed on to the road that inhabits possibly the worlds dumbest animal. So Keeg's and I are switching stations and giggling at one anothers failed attempt to boogie. When out of the corner of my right eye I see an animals head highlighted by headlights, and within 5 seconds of that moment we were both screaming. I give huge props to Keegan because he didn't swerve all that much. I have been told by many somewhat credible sources that if you ever 'find' yourself the victim of a brainless creature crossing the road, if at all possible DO NOT swerve to avoid hitting it. My first thought is the reason for this rule is because deer are apparently so dumb they kind of deserve to get hit, therefore kind of deserving to die…I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'! The true reason for it is so that you don't risk involving other cars for the sake of one deer.

Just so we're all clear, I'm fine, Keegan is fine, his car is…well, dented but otherwise okay. At the end of this big mishap we have an endearing (or endeering) story to tell for years to come…Or until we hit a talking/dancing/mind-reading cow while going 60mph, cuz then the deer story will be completely over-shadowed.