Success

Thank the Lord that it is not measured by how often you tend to your blog....

Because I think I would be a bum...

6:23pm

Well I had a completely different day then I expected to have. I did not go shopping for hidden treasures...well not exactly.

My friend Steph won two tickets to the College World Series...RIGHT HERE in Omaha. She invited me and I was so excited to get to go. It ended up being a beautiful hot and sunny Nebraska day. We get there about 10 minutes into the game. We find our seats, our very good seats. They were right behind homeplate, which is almost close enough to pinch the catchers butt.

I'm a big girl, and Steph is the mini me version. We go to sit down, and guess what, it's an EXTREMELY tight fit for my Wide Load of an ass to get into the seat. I felt like all eyes were one me and my ass that wasn't wanting to fit in the stadium seat. I did what I always do when it comes to my weight...I made fun of myself. I joked with Steph throughout the game about how I'd be lucky to be able to get my ass out with out lifting the whole row of connected seats up with me.

We joked all the way home about it. I joked with my mom about it. Then after Steph and my sister left, I snapped at my mom. It was over something silly...probably about the way she was blinking her eyes, I dunno, but I snapped. Then after 10 minutes of her tippy toeing around me in fear of further pissing me off, I apologized for being crabby. I tried to say that I had a fun time but that it ended up being a horrible day. I couldn't get two words out without breaking down in tears. She asked what was wrong and I told her that I think the FINAL string had snapped. I am done with living my life this way. I couldn't even go out to a ball game without feeling ashamed of every inch of my body. She came to my side and let me cry on her shoulder. I was totally expecting her to be her usual self and insert a comment about how I need to lose weight and be thin.

She said nothing. She just let me cry.

Then she finally said something ....she told me that I was perfect.


My mom has just changed my life.


I love you mom.

10:10am

Yesterday was pretty close to the perfect day.

And for this family that means it would have been mediocre for a more normal family, but for us, it was a day that you take LOTS of pictures because it probably won't happen again for a few years. I don't mind, it keeps us on our toes. I took ZERO pictures, because I'm lazy like that on perfectly sunny days.

Then...yes, there's always a 'then' or a 'but' or for those class acts it's 'however'..the other shoe drops. My mother whom I love more than anything in this world got into one of her moods. It's not so much a mood as it is a judgeful scowl that she starts to emit. I can't explain my mother and "the way that she is". It's something that you would have to live with her for several years a day and you would understand what I'm talking about.

My mother has seemed to give up on her independence...something she used to pride herself on. She always resented my father because he lived a very spoiled, upscale life when he was younger. A far cry from the life my mother had when she was an adolescent. She has thrown the towel in and is perfectly content with having her children help support her.

Now I know how the life cycle goes, have a fun carefree childhood, parents raise you, then when you grow up you make good choices and start a life of your own, get married, have a family of your own, then take care of your old crippled parents who got you to where you are at that point. I understand that cycle and I'm not appealing it by any means, but my mother is far from crippled and I am far from being at the point in my life where I can happily take care of her.

I know that my mother wants the best for her 3 girls. I also know that she does not want to let us go. Let us go in the sense that if we want to travel or take on more than what we can chew at times financially, or choose a career path that doesn't pay out as much as a doctor or lawyer.

My oldest sister Lauren was here yesterday for the near record breaking perfect day. That evening she was sitting on the floor in my mom's room talking to my mother. Lauren had brought up a topic that apparently Lauren has been giving a lot of thought to. She told my mother that she wanted to pay off her debt in the next several years and then maybe move overseas. My mother of course made fun of Lauren by referencing the time when Lauren spent a whole summer in Germany acting as a nanny for my Aunt's 2 year old son and called home every day crying about how much she missed home. This did not sit well with my sister.

Now will Lauren ever move overseas? Lauren, will you? Probably not, but it's a noble dream to have and who knows, it may happen. Lauren was more pissed off that my mother would rather make fun of Lauren then listen to her idea and support her in her choices. Lauren does like to take things to the extreme so she became very upset and lets be honest, there was a split second where the world may have come to a screaming halt over this issue. Then of course it was a perfect opportunity for Lauren to leave the scene dramatically. She left mad as she secretly enjoys to do.

Lauren, don't be mad at me, I'm just laying it all down, because I had an epiphany last night after you left angry. How can my mother expect me to ever succeed if she won't cut the chain. I can't grow as a person if I always have to be by her side. She wants greatness out of her girls, and believe me I want greatness for myself, but how can that be done when she doesn't seem to want us to try to achieve our dreams?

I am going to shop for hidden treasures at the goodwill and then I am going to spend another day roasting in the sun!