Trying

I'm really trying to get back in the mind set to lose weight. I've just completely let myself go in the last year...or two. I've let it take a backseat to alot of things in my life, and the truth is that I'm happier when I have something so real and serious to focus on. Everything in my life is healthier when I'm in good health...or trying to get into good health. I'm a more organized person and most importantly I'm much more active.

I'm not one of those people that loves their body for what it is, I'm just not. I don't consider myself insecure, but that doesn't mean that I have to enjoy being fat. I feel like my whole personality suffers for my shame. So I'm gonna try to go back on my diet. I think I'm close enough to the right mindset to do it for real this time.

About 4 years ago I lost nearly 80 lbs. (granted I wasn't as heavy from the start as I am now) but it was probably the best feeling I've ever had. I felt like I had something to be proud of. I was active and felt good about myself. I want that back. When I try to picture my future, I never see it with me being extremely heavy. My diet blog is back up and running, and I hope I can keep it updated because I think that might help me stay motivated.

We'll see if this is the real deal or not!

Well last night was memorable...We had some company over for drinks and a barbecue and well it was crazy to say the least. For anyone that really knows me they know that I'm not a heavy drinker...I drink a beer or a margarita every now and then. So minus the 2002 New Years Eve champaigne incident and the sleep over that included beer, whiskey, tequila, and vodka...I think it is safe to say that I'm no lush. WELL, last night was a bit different. I didn't even think I drank all that much at first, but when you take into consideration that I slammed down 2 generous sized margaritas, then tried...TRIED to do a shot of vodka...it came right back up! Maybe alittle stayed down there, but not much. Then I had a wine cooler mixed with margarita...which was gross, but lovely to my tipsy taste buds. I tried to drink Red Bull and vodka but due to the earlier incident with vomit, it just wasn't meant to be! Then I had a mudslide, which I didn't even like, but they made me chug it...blahh

Anyways, I ended up jumping into the pool with all my clothes on...several times! I know at some point I started crying. And my friend Keegan might have seen me half naked...Good news is that I had fun and I don't have a hangover!

Angry no more

I hit a new low in my mood swings. I realized that I was finding off the wall reasons to be mad a people in my life. I would get pissed off for silly reasons all for the sake of being angry. Some days I feel like it's easier to be mad than to be happy. Being content and at peace was just too easy. When I'm angry I know that my brain is keeping busy and therefore keeps my mind off of other depressing thoughts. Is it bad to say that waking up every morning with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my heart is just too much effort most days? Is it strange that I've been told that my idle face (which is when I am at my most relaxed) is a frightful glare, that people don't dare mess with?

I'm happy to say that as of today I am not mad at anyone! Well I'm always alittle ticked off at Paris Hilton...Seriously! She hits a parked car and gets a tickle on the hand...I rear-end someone that slammed on their brakes at the worst time, and I get ticketed, my insurance goes up, my 1986 Mercury Piece Of Shit is all messed up and my mother has something to use against me for years to come... Fair? I think not!

Anywho....yes it is true, I'm not mad at any of the important people in my life, and it feels good. I feel like I can take a deep breath without wanting to scream expletives on the exhale. I must say that for a good couple of weeks I was even worried about myself. More in the sense of my state of mind and attitude. I was someone that you wanted to stay away from, mostly because you wouldn't put it past me to throw something dense and jagged in your general direction.


Michaela

I Can't Do It

It just hit me. I don't want to leave blogger! I love blogger. Blogger has always been good to me. I met some of my favorite bloggies on Blogger! Blogger I'm home for good!

Deer Lord!

Yes, I live in Nebraska. No, I don't live on a farm around lots of animals! I pride myself on the fact that I live in Omaha, a very suburbanized city that keeps getting bigger and bigger. I say this because last night my friend Keegan and I hit a deer! You always hear about it happening on the interstate, and we have signs posted on the sides of any roads that lay up against a large body of wooded acreage, but when it happens to you, the shock of it all is no less.

We were on our merry ole way down a street that gets quite a bit of traffic during the day time hours, though at night it's pretty deserted. Keegan and I had just been rockin' our tiny tushes out to Techno Friday on the local rock station, when we headed on to the road that inhabits possibly the worlds dumbest animal. So Keeg's and I are switching stations and giggling at one anothers failed attempt to boogie. When out of the corner of my right eye I see an animals head highlighted by headlights, and within 5 seconds of that moment we were both screaming. I give huge props to Keegan because he didn't swerve all that much. I have been told by many somewhat credible sources that if you ever 'find' yourself the victim of a brainless creature crossing the road, if at all possible DO NOT swerve to avoid hitting it. My first thought is the reason for this rule is because deer are apparently so dumb they kind of deserve to get hit, therefore kind of deserving to die…I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'! The true reason for it is so that you don't risk involving other cars for the sake of one deer.

Just so we're all clear, I'm fine, Keegan is fine, his car is…well, dented but otherwise okay. At the end of this big mishap we have an endearing (or endeering) story to tell for years to come…Or until we hit a talking/dancing/mind-reading cow while going 60mph, cuz then the deer story will be completely over-shadowed.

The Impossible

I did it! I made a wordpress blog. Well I really just transferred everything here over to there. One thing that's really bothering me is the fact that I cannot get the links to my buddies blogs on there. Anyone that has a a wordpress site please let me in on the big secret.

http://imichaela.wordpress.com/

I would love it if you all could stop by sometime and let me know what you think.