11:28am

I love...

How my office neighbor refers to farting as "pushing out the demons".

9:11am

From Spinning Girl...I missed doing these!

Rambling:: Rambo
Magnetic :: XMEN
Again! :: Give me a kiss on the cheek and i said DO IT!
Acoustic :: Folk
Mahogany :: Wine
Promises :: Rehab
Ill fitting :: perfect
Sublime :: love
Poop :: nice
Disoriented :: CRAZY

8:23am

I woke up late, my hair would not do what I wanted it to do, some jackass on the interstate thought it would be funny to drive 40 mph, I had to park way in the back of the parking lot, my office door magically got locked and MY KEY WOULDN'T OPEN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't even want to know if it can get any worse....

5:49pm

What NOT to do...

Go to your sisters new apartment and take a poop...right before she's planning on taking a shower.

whoops

4:27pm

Dude, what don't you get? The 915 report is due at 9:15am...I'm pretty sure the only way to make it easier for you is to re-name it the 'dueat9:15inthemorningmondaythrufridayuntilyoudie' report.


And NO I'm not renaming it to that!!! It won't fit on my desktop.

Gotta love people from Texas. I really want to reference a certain president right now...I will bit my tongue.

3:41pm

My Green LG "Rumor" is supposed to be Eco friendly. It's a cell phone...up until like 2 years ago, scientists said that they emit nasty shit that can cause brain cancer. What a lovely change of pace...my phone is going to save the planet. Or do I have to upgrade my plan for that?

3:38pm

Some would say I'm just down right lazy, I think I'm resourceful. Let me set the scene for you;

I'm sitting in my office working on some reports and putting together an order for some fancy business cards when I get a horrible itch on my back. Now, I'm a big girl so my limbs are not proportionate with the circumference of my body...(ie. I'm too fat to wrap my arms around myself!) I couldn't reach the itch. I tried rubbing my back along the back of my chair, but with 3 layers of clothing on my body and a chair that's made to be soft and comfy, it did not solve the problem.

Oh, yeah...Once I laid my eyes on those scissors, I knew the solution.

Right as i'm in the middle of relieving my itch...one of my bosses walks by.

It was SO worth it!

Clean like Mr. Clean minus the bald head

I spent the WHOLE day cleaning my house. If a clean house is supposed to make oneself feel better, well it didn't work. I'm tired, sore, and I smell like unscented bleach! I don't know why they call it 'unscented' because it definately has a stank to it! I also spent the day watching Friends reruns while I dabbled in domesticity. At this point I'm practically pooping Friends trivia.



So while I was cleaning the bathroom and cleaning out my makeup drawer, I got a little distracted and started playing makeover Michaela into a futuristic whore...well that's what my mom said I looked like. My mother loves me, I swear she does, maybe.





This was the end result:

They call that shade of red 'paprika paprika'. I call it 'holy fuck thats bright'.




If these are my bedroom eyes, than WHOA watch out!




I look like I had a mild stroke. And then tried to cover up the half paralyzed face with 'holy fuck that's bright' red lipstick.


Note: These pictures were taken before I decided that it would be a good idea to add green to the eye makeup...I never know when to step back.




Oh and this one is my ode to Amy Winehouse. Noticably missing is the crack pipe and sailor tattoos. You get the idea though:




I hope everyone has a sex dream tonight...It just feels like one of those nights. Damn, you probably will after looking at this post, that or you'll throw up your dinner. One or the other. I guess I should be flattered that you're thinking of me. Even if it costs you a meal.

Tuesday

I refuse to watch American Idol. Not because Paula seems high during every episode, and not b/c Randy uses the term 'dog' more times than I can count (and NONE are in reference to mans best friend!). I'm not watching American Idol this year b/c those ass wipes came to Omaha to do auditions and they painted Omaha to be some redneck inferior town, where our water is fetched from the well twice a day. Almost all of the people that made it on to that episode, weren't even from Omaha, rather the surrounding states! One girl was from LA, are you kidding me??

In all honesty I've never looked forward to a new American Idol season, I just thought I'd spill my rant.

I don't want to work today. My boss has it out for me and so she schedules me early today knowing full well that I was there until after midnight last night. I hate her and her over plucked eyebrows!

I've promised a dear blogger friend my top 3 gas station moments...they are coming, theres just so many directions I could go in, that I have to sort it all out in my head...it's giving me a headache.

This is what happens when you fuck with gas station clerks...we keep your change and store it in this very earthy looking piece of pottery. No, there's not any ashes in there...we're not like that, we'll just throw your body in the dumpster out back.

Inabling a fat person

My mother just made THE best lasagna in the world. The 2 main ingredients are cream and butter...OH MY GHAWD! It's worth every ounce that it adds to my hips.

The cord was incorrectly cut...I'M BACK BITCHES

Okay I'm just not feeling the whole wordpress jive. No offense to the mastermind behind that slice of awesome shit pie, but I just glanced at my partner in crimes NEW blog and felt that hole in my heart that was yurning for me to come back home...or maybe I just missed the simplicity of blogger, the first reason just seemed a hell of alot more interesting.

Let's get this stuff started!



It's a frog...humping a deli warmer case. Yeah.

Strap on your seatbelt

Cuz I'm a bitch today.

I think someone put something in the water at work. Maybe a PMS tablet.

It's rainy, cold, and bitchy out!

Are you kidding me?

DO NOT stick your finger, your dirty, crusty, looks as if it's already dead before the rest of your body, finger into that BBQ sandwich sitting in the deli warmer THEN change your mind and put it back.

I think I just puked in my mouth.

From Spinning Girl

1. My favorite childhood toy was ...Mini chalk/dry erase board, I only liked the chalk side because I'd stand and scribble on it and speak to the stairs like they were my students.
2. My favorite childhood game was ...Eye Spy, instant classic!
3. The best movie I ever saw as a kid was ...I'm sorry but I have 2! Dirty Dancing and Goonies. I physically cannot pick just one, it's not possible. I was sooo not old enough to wrap my tiny brain around the plot of Dirty Dancing, I just loved the music and the dancing...oh and the pretty pink dress! Then there's Goonies...I don't need to expound on this one because it is obvious!
4. I don't do it much but I enjoy ...scetching
5. If I could lighten up a little, I'd let myself ... go to a kareokee bar sober
6. If it weren't too late I'd ...have tried harder in grade school
7. My favorite musical instrument is ...piano
8. The amount of money I spend on treating myself to entertainment each month is ... uhh maybe $25...unfortunately bills come first. I hate being responsible. I bet ya one months rent that irresponsible is much more fun.
9. If I could get anything for my inner artist, I'd buy him/her ...adobe illustrator and a fine set of oil pastels
10. Taking time out for myself is ...getting my nails done
11. If I start dreaming ...don't wake me up!
12. I secretly enjoy reading ...the dictionary
13. If I only could have grown up to be ...more spontaneous
14. I wish I could make/write/grow/ create a ...perfect world
15. My parents think that I ...do more than I should/am too fat
16. What makes me feel weird is ...the feeling that someone is behind me when really there isn't, it happens all the time!
17. My most cheer-up music is ...80's
18. My favorite way to dress is ...casual...jeans and a tshirt make me extremely happy.

Things that make me wonder...

Seeing a 50 some year old man driving a mercedes convertable with shoulder length curly hair.

I'm not sure what I'm more jealous of, the fact that he owns a mercedes or the fact that he has perfectly curly long hair...I want both!

Sweet tea and bugs

I had a really long day at work today and I am so glad to be home.

Gas station customers really piss me off! They just have to have something to complain about. It doesn't help that my store is located in the center of a very wealthy area, so there are actually women that go to local businesses and complain about the most miniscule things and consider it a hobby. God forbid they sit and read a book or take up tennis! NOOO, come and antagonize the gas station clerks, that'll surely waste a large chunk of time.

I discovered a strange rash on my arm and I questioned my boss as to where it came from. She suggested it came from a liquid or powder substance there at work. I pondered the thought of it being anthrax for about 20 minutes but decided it was probably the new lotion I had used earlier this morning. My family has always said I was over-dramatic.

My work has a praying mantis that will not go away. At first I thought it might be a different one each day, because who the hell would want to stick around my job for a week straight? Well given my curious nature, I did something that I'm sure will cause bug lovers much distress...I placed a dot on the body of the praying mantis with a permanent marker. Well I attempted to but when the marker touched it, it squirmed a little bit causing my marker to shimmy...which made the mark resemble a heart, which I could not pass up the opportunity! I finished the job and gave it a heart tattoo!

I'm aware that I'm going to go to hell.

Did you hold your breath?

I've been around. Not alot of it is worth mentioning, and since most of you don't come to these blogs to get sleepy I'll refrain from going into detail on my lack of commitment to this blog...To be quite honest if I told you it was anything other than laziness it would be a big fat lie.

Nebraska is really f---ing hot this summer. I don't do well in 100 degree weather. I get grumpy...much more easily than usual, which for a 21 year old overweight female battling depression is not good news for people near me.

I just realized I'm too tired to blog tonight, so I'll get back to this tomorrow!

Good night

Chaellyboo 3.0

Well I think I took a long enough hiatus. Alot has been happening in my life...some may not be all that interesting, but it's still news in my life. Unfortunately when I get down to blogging about it, I can't translate it to the keyboard. I swear I come to blogger.com 3 maybe 4 times a week with every damn intention to blog, and I end up turning right back around and indulging in other dirty pleasures (ie. Pink is the New Blog).

Everytime I've tried then failed at this blog thing, I seriously contemplated deleting the whole fucking thing. The only thing was that I couldn't do it. I'm emotionally attached to this thing. It's been something that I've been able to be consistant with (minus the last 2 months...)and I can't say that about alot in my life.

So I'm giving it another go for it. I figure I have my work, my dog, the fact that I'm mad most of the time, and all the other shit in my life to keep this blog full of new and interesting posts. I'm hoping for more pictures and some more pazazz in my writing. I also fully understand that I'm gonna have to make the blog community rounds again...as I've had serious issues with doing that as well. Please don't think I've forgotten about you guys. You're always my favorites!

Where the hell you been

What the fuck Michaela? Where have you been? Well I've been busy! Well not really... I do work alot, so that will be my excuse. I doubt that anyone has taken notice of my 2 month leave of absence, which I'm totally okay with. Nothing alittle voodoo can't fix.

So I'm at a friends house right now, so I can't really concentrate and make a real post, but I'm gonna leave you with some tips from a professional:

Watch: Thank You For Smoking

~This is my new favorite movie. Aaron Eckhart is just awesome in it. The first five minutes are what hooked me, but I guarentee it is a good one.

Read: Little Beauties

~ I acutally haven't finished it, but I love the concept. A woman with OCD, a pregnant teenager swearing to give her unborn child up for adoption, and the teenagers unborn fetus all narrate the book.

Listen: The mixed CD I just made!
1. The Only One by Evanescence
2. Nowhere Warm by Kate Havnevik
3. All I need by Mat Kearney
4. Quicksand by Sleeping at Last
5. Walking With A Ghost by Tegan and Sarah
6. Thrown It All Away by Brandi Carlile
7. Lullaby by Dixie Chicks
8. Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol
9. Everything Changes by Staind

I'll make a real post soon!

9-11 and more

I feel like I have nothing to blog about lately. My mind is not retaining anything that happens in my life. My life hasn't been boring or nonexistant, it's just that I'm having serious issues with trying to recall anything. For the most part I have just been working and hanging out with friends. One thing I do want to mention is...

This week does mark the 5th year anniversary of Sept. 11. It is a day that I will always remember where I was, what I was doing, and how I was feeling. When I was younger I remember talking to my mom about how I had learned about the assassination of JFK in school and her recalling where she was when that happened. It always boggeled my mind that 30 some years later and she still remembers what she was wearing when that happened. She always told me that something was bound to happen in my lifetime that would linger in the dark corners of my memory until the day I passed. For me it is 9-11. I was in 10th grade that year. I was in my 2nd period English class being taught by my favorite teacher, Mrs. Kelly. I was in the middle row 3rd desk back when a teacher from across the hall ran into our room and without any hesitation turned on our t.v.. I was so distracted by the building on the screen that was up in flames that I didn't bother to read the scrolling information at the bottom of the screen. My initial reaction was that the building in downtown Omaha was up in flames. And the moment I saw the second plane crash into the second building, I realized that this was not in Omaha, and that this was no ordinary, run of the mill fire. I felt a chill down my spine when I realized that someone did it intentionally. Over 3000 people perished on that one single day.

I will never forget that day. ever.
*******************************************************

I'm happy to announce that I'm finally doing more with my social life. I even let loose and saw a movie at the Old Dundee Theatre...We saw Little Miss Sunshine, and holy boats it was good! Definately something I would recommend. I also finally watched the first Lord Of The Rings. It took several nights to watch the whole thing, only because I watched it at night while in bed, and I kept falling asleep. The thing with me and my bed is when we come into contact, the bed always wins. It doesn't even have to sweet talk me, or lure me in with cheap chocolate, I'm always out in 13-14 minutes no matter how many energy drinks I consume. Anyways, I finished it on Wednesday and now I can barely wait to watch the second and third.

So I've been watching Project Runway like a dirty whore and I've decided that it is time to learn how to sew. It's something I've always been amazed by...the fact that you can take a yard of fabric and make it into something of use, is beyond amazing to me. I'd love to try and make myself a dress one of these days...so long as it doesn't come out looking like a moo-moo from the clearance rack at the local department store.

When I have to reference moo-moo's in my blog, I know that means I need to lose weight....I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'!