Dear Garage Sale Goers

To those of you who are avid bargain shopper predators who choose to make garage sales your prey, suck my big toe.

I spent the better part of Friday and Saturday committing myself to a garage sale in hopes of getting rid of a few things that we could no longer fit in our home as well as making some money. Friday I spent going through my old clothes and other things that had out-dated themselves in my life. By 10 pm Friday night, I was ironing my old clothes so that they 'look presentable' because apparently the majority of you freaks commit your weekends to these sales and refuse to buy a shirt because it has a few wrinkles on it.

My next issue with you guys is the haggling. Now, I'm all for a little compromising, and prepared to knock the price off of everything. But damn, I might as well just gift wrap it and personally deliver it to your home. Have you no shame? $.50 for a brand new, never worn Gap shirt? COME ON! And to the woman that got into a heated arguement with me over an almost new-perfectly good working watch because I refused to sell it to her for $.25; BACK OFF!, I'm not in shape but I'm packin' a whole lotta man-power in these hips, and I will knock you into next week BITCH!

I love children, I want them and plan to have some of my own in the future. I was thinking 3; 2 girls and 1 boy...But in the name of reality television, DON'T BRING THE FUCKERS TO GARAGE SALES! And when you do, and they break something...be prepared to pay for it..without a tone in your voice. It's not my fault your offspring are savage beasts.

I ended up making $75 and having nearly half of my stuff left over...looks like the Goodwill will be getting a mighty fine donation this week.